As we get closer to the release date for Duality on 11/10, I’ve been dealing with a lot of thoughts and feelings associated with the publication of my first novel. I’ve been writing since I was 13 years old. Along the way, I’ve had countless dreams of what it would be like to see my name featured on the cover of a book. I’ve been in touch with publishing companies – both traditional and vanity – and I’ve scoured lists of agents to see who might best represent me. But, for so many years, I only let things go so far. I’d always get to a certain point before stopping, walking away, and returning to my life as it was at the time.
So, why now? What’s so different about now versus the half-dozen previous attempts? I touched on this briefly in one of my first posts on this blog, but I’m happy to not only revisit but expand upon my reasoning.
I’ve spoken about how fear and the challenges of life can be huge factors. Things get in the way to distract or detract from what you want, and it can be difficult to plow through while keeping your eye trained on the goals you seek to accomplish. That has been my excuse for far too long. That isn’t to say that there weren’t legitimate reasons to hold off at times, but now is not one of those times. This time, I didn’t wait for the opening to appear – I created one.
Accountability is such a necessary trait for many things but, in my case, I needed accountability as a writer. I needed to hold myself to the goal of being published in a way I hadn’t attempted before. Basically, I had to make sure I had no reason or excuse to – once again – back out. This time, I wasn’t just going to keep my desire to write and publish a novel to my myself and a small group of friends. By making the statement openly and by discussing and tracking my progress in a public forum, I forced myself out of my shell and created a support system of strangers via social media that has, at the end of it all, given me the exact nudge I needed.
Going back through my blog posts and reading how things started in comparison to where they are now has been amazing. I began this blog as a birthday gift to myself last year. As this year’s birthday gift, I am publishing Duality. So, yes – this is definitely different. My goals are documented, shared, and encouraged. The level of ownership I have this time, compared with everything else in my life having lined up just right, have made these conditions ideal and amazing.
For now, though, I have Book Two to continue working on. I am of the opinion that it may have to be split into two novels, but I won’t solidify a decision until it’s completed and I test the feasibility of it. This is a novel that is likely to reach over 500 pages, and that might be too great of a commitment for some. But, I have something wonderful in mind if it turns out that a split is necessary.